A Constant Battle

Ok, I had this train of thought the other day and realized that it is a conversation each person probably has with themselves but never shares because they think they will be too ridiculous and nobody else has this stream of consciousness, but I'm just gonna put it out there...

The scene: You're immobile somewhere. Whether it be sitting in a waiting room at a doctor's office, standing in horrendous line at a cash register while Christmas shopping, or driving your car - and it doesn't need to be a long distance.

Time is ticking: You don't have a whole lot to do. You look around. Maybe pick up a magazine while waiting. Check your phone to see if someone sent you a text message. You put it in your pocket. You pull it out again to check the time. You put it back. You look around again, attempting to people watch, and then you think you feel your phone vibrating in your pocket and you hurry to whip it out and discover it was the phantom vibrating phone, but you don't want to look crazy, so you pretend like you're responding to a message by creating a new one. You look through your contacts and try to find someone you need to contact or might have something to say to them. You compose and send message, feeling a little accomplished as you continue to wait...

What else do you do: You feel like you've exhausted all of your options when all of a sudden you notice something. And you're REALLY bothered by it. It's a fingernail. It is out of place. It is a little longer than the rest, or it's at a weird angle, or it's got some dirt under it. Whatever it is, it's bothering you. It is completely irrational as to why it's bothering you. But it is.

Next thought: Wait, no! I can't bite my nails to fix the problem, remember what happened last time you tried to fix this problem that so bothered you by biting your nails? It started with one. You bit that one and maybe you were appeased by the one nail, but then you realized that there are more disfigurements on the rest of your fingernails. This is exactly what happened with Hitler.

(Image by Alex Carr)

They tried to appease him by giving him a little land in hopes of satisfying his need. Or like if you give a mouse a cookie. It's the same principle. You thought this would work for you as well. But you have gone past the point of no return... because now you see that all of your fingernails need some work on them, and you don't have nail clippers on you.

And you remember: The last time you had this dilemma you put your nail clippers in a particular spot so that they would be easily accessible so this way you didn't end up with the painful side-effect of nail biting - the infection. Yes. You hated it the last time you did it. You bit and kept biting. The nail was for the most part even. But no matter how hard you tried, how meticulously you tried to bite the nail off or pull the rest of it off, you get some sort of nail/skin left hanging off the corner. And this is bothering you SO much more than the initial nail being uneven to begin with. You envision exactly where you left the nail clippers wishing beyond all doubt that it was socially acceptable to have a nail clipper on your keychain, or to carry it in your pocket, along with your wallet and chapstick. But it isn't. And what did you do. You kept biting it. You kept gnawing and gnawing and gnawing. You try to pick that little piece of cuticle that's hanging on for dear life tighter than Rose held on to Jack in the North Atlantic. It's hard to get a hold of because your saliva is all over it. But you finally get a hold of it. You pull real fast. Like you're ripping a band-aid off. And you get it. And you're relieved. But after that initial sting is gone, you see the blood creeping out of the side of your nail. It's as if you just opened the doors this past morning to the shoe store for the new Air Jordan shoes. And sadly this open wound always leads to infection. It's either nasty food from your mouth getting in there, or just dirt, but it gets infected and puffy and whenever you bump it into anything, literally anything, it hurts. So. bad. And you tell yourself that nail biting isn't worth it and that you'll never do it again. Because this pain is so unbearable and just not worth it.

(And you did this all the while not trying to attract too much attention to yourself and your little battle, but when you look up, you notice that someone was watching you and then they give you a smile because they are familiar with what you just went through, and they're happy for you too!)

Back to waiting: So you yearn for it. You tell yourself this time you can wait. And you try to wait. You cringe. You're hoping the nurse will call you back soon. That the line will move faster. But none of it happens. You feel another phantom vibration. This time, you create a text for that one friend you know will respond. Even while you're texting, that nail is dragging against the chalkboard in the back of your mind.

You break: You can't take it anymore. You go for it. You bite. You gnaw. You pull. You bleed and then you go on to later get the infection. You feel the pain. And you told yourself you didn't ever want to be in that position again. But here you are. You finally get back home, and you stare at your nail clippers and try to shape up the nails, and make them look decent, but it's no use. Because your nails look like this: You have blood on one finger. Most of your nails are down to skin and they're raw. And now you're more bothered by the condition of your nails now than you were before.

Later in the future: You're waiting. And you this cycle repeats again.

Why, just why isn't it socially acceptable to not only carry nail clippers in public, but to also clip your nails in public? If only, then this battle would end. But this is probably one of the longest wars human beings have ever been apart of. Is there an end in sight? Maybe if things like this can get mass produced:

But until then, keep fighting!

10 Things That Are Just Plain Dumb

Ok, so I know it's been awhile since I've posted, but I just have been super busy with life. But I've been compiling a list of things that are just plain dumb and thought I'd share them with you:

1. Getting a raise taken away for medical reasons. I spent most of this semester working at a local coffee shop. As my hours were increasing and I was opening the store, I was becoming more depended on by my boss to be there. As a result of this, he gave me a raise. It was just fifty cents, but still it adds up when you're working 40 hours a week (20 bucks - taxes, to be exact). Anyway, I had to miss work to go get an emergency root canal, because the nerve in one of my teeth was dying and it was the most painful thing I've experienced to date in my life that I could not have functioned at work. It's not that voluntarily wanted to go through this process:



Seriously, I rather would have worked instead of getting that done. I had to take 2 days off that I was previously scheduled for, but at least I gave my boss warning. And it was a medical emergency. So when I came back for my next shift post-procedure, my boss took me aside and told me that he was going to take away my raise because I wasn't there when he needed me. Again, medical emergency. Since he obviously does not know how to invest in his employees, or have compassion for medical emergencies, I quit. I've spent the last couple weeks unemployed, but it was worth it to put my all into finals and finishing my undergraduate career. The whole thing was just dumb!

2. Students complaining about finals/pulling all-nighters. Ok, I am totally guilty of doing this, but it's still dumb nonetheless. I recently pulled two all-nighters to complete two papers. How long had I known about said papers? Oh you know, all semester. So why didn't I get an earlier start on them? Well I had to wait until the classes were actually over to accurately write the papers and reflect on all of the course material. That's my excuse. Yet even then I had time. I was busy hanging out with friends, watching TV on Hulu, or finding any other reason to actually confront my need to paper write and end my undergraduate career. I was procrastinating on purpose. I just didn't want to end it.

But there are others. Others who do these same things to procrastinate, really for procrastination's sake. It seems like the university student enjoys bringing the stress of trying to accomplish so many things in such little time to the highest level. It prevents sleep. It prevents production. And they feed into it. They're watching TV. They're on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, whatever internet distraction and social websites they can find.


They're not doing their work. And this further prolonging gives them less time to do their work. They open their Word document. And six hours later, they return to the document, blank as it was before. And complain that they have 12 pages to write before the next day.

But they're having trouble staying awake. So they get energy drinks, they get coffee with 23984527 extra shots of espresso to help keep them awake. They start getting productive, but then they realize that they're really hungry. So they go get food. And they get it somewhere rather far away from where they're doing their work so that they can be as far away as possible from their dreaded work. The work that only seems so dreaded because of the decreasing amount of time they have to work on it.

Oh, you're still in the library at 2 am. Who else is here? You make a Facebook status about it, because the second you get a response from someone who is in the same library as you, you text them and ask where they are and immediately go to them. You then commiserate together how you haven't slept in the last 48 hours. That you actually haven't been home for days. And how you have 2 more all-nighters and not gonna get sleep soon. And the fact that you're complaining about it is just taking more time away from the work you should be doing, pushing them further into your sleeplessness.

You know the record for the most days without sleep was 18 days, 21 hours, and 40 minutes (http://www.abc.net.au/science/sleep/facts.htm) The side affects due to such activity included: hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses. So how does sleep deprivation actually help you do work? How does it actually help you study? The side-effects do not seem like they actually help one be productive while studying. Why do it? DUMB!

3. Things that don't fit that should.
So the thing that bothered me that didn't fit right was tortilla chips into salsa jars.




Yes, this is a miniature dollhouse play-set of Tostitos chips and salsa. But it further purports my point. It might make sense if the chips and salsa were at least different brands, because then there's sort of an excuse for not communicating about the size
of the chip vs. the size of the jar. But even when Tostitos makes both, it still doesn't work.

Oh, what's that you say? They make the bite size ones. Well that's all good and fun, but once you're past the first couple dips, your hand can't fit past the mouth of the jar either. Oh, they make the scoops? Well those are too thin and break too easily and you end up eating the chips and salsa with your hands anyways. Your hand gets all salsa-y. This results in using way more napkins than anticipated.

Now you're like, just pour it in a bowl. But that would waste a dish. I would have to clean it and then use water. That's not good for the environment. Plus I'm just a lazy college kid not wanting to do any extra dishes if it isn't necessary.

They just need to make salsa containers more accessible for a chip to dip in to. Not a big request. And the fact that mass produced chips and salsa have been around for as long as I've been alive means this issue has not been resolved for at least 21 years. DUMB!

And these will not be as drawn out, because they're pretty self-explanatory:

4. iPods (and telephones for that matter) are not waterproof. DUMB!
5. Kristin Wiig retiring her Penelope bit. I mean my friends and I are still quoting it, soooooo ummmmm, we quote it a lot more than other people, and apply it to everyday life more than you do sooooooo ummmmmm WHY'D YOU RETIRE IT? DUMB!
6. You can't purchase swagu. I keep looking next to the Ragu and it just ain't there. DUMB
7. Having emergency exits, but no emergency entrances. Can't you see it now: A frantic university student running up to a building with paper in hand, "I need to turn in my paper, good God, let me in! I mean I really need to turn in my paper, I don't have time to walk all the way to the front of the building, or walk all of the stairs, all of the stairs." DUMB!
8. Adele's "Someone Like You" constantly being played on the radio. You can change the station and you still can't get away from it. Even if it's a station that's playing Christmas music, "Someone Like You" still gets played. I was witness to this. And if it's not that song, it's one of her others: "Rolling in the Deep" or "Set Fire to the Rain." So now when it comes on, I don't find myself crying to the lyrics and imagining my own heartbreaks, I cry because I hate it when Adele turns up out of the blue uninvited. DUMB!
9. Waterproof pants not being socially acceptable. Why must you be on a track or on a pole? DUMB!
10. I'm done with college and still in a library at 3:35 am. DUMB!

Goes-down-your-throat-real-easy-and-is-warm Food

Yay! I'm not sick anymore! But this doesn't mean that my throat still isn't sore. Why? Oh because I sang of course. I sing in the car and just really go for it. I give it my all. I don't hold back. No regrets, just love. This is despite whatever my face will look like when I hold out a note, because I love music so much. I don't care who looks, I don't care, because I love music in all it's essence. I love the fact that we've taken things of nature and crafted them into instruments that make sounds pleasant to the ears. That strings of sounds come together to tell a story. That words have been applied to music to tell a specific story, to send a message, to have fun, to convey so many things. Music is in the background of many TV shows, commercials, movies have soundtracks, there are now videos that accompany music, radio, and the list could go on; a whole business is created from music. And I want to be a part of it. I may not know how to sing in a specific key, and I never know what Simon, Randy, and Paula are (were) talking about when they say a performance was "pitchy" (when I thought it sounded pretty darn good because it was better than what I could do), but I sure as heck will sing with all my soul in a car. And at times I KNOW I harmonize with the song that's playing. When that happens, I feel totally validated. I was also validated this summer (I work at a summer camp) by a camper who does chorus (in high school) when she overheard me singing and told me that I was good without having to ensure me that I'm not "that bad" which is usually the response I get when I say I suck at singing. But I didn't even have to prompt her or get the pity "You're not that bad!" And it made me so happy because nobody had ever said that to me before. Then she was either just being a good sport after that or truly wanted it, but she would occasionally ask me to sing for her. This built my confidence to want to pursue singing lessons, that I have some potential...Regardless, throughout our journey, I will continue to muse about music and what it means to my life and how big a role it plays and how much I want to play a part in it!

Anyways, my voice feels strained because I was in the car (all by myself, when others are around, I usually hold back), for about an hour and a half, about the time of a concert, and realized, I sang a full concert, and maybe even performed more songs than your typical concert because the songs were back to back to back. Buuut as I was sick, and with the thing that ailed me most, my sore throat, I focused efforts on trying to soothe it. As I had said before, my throat spray had long since been expired, and was only working for short amounts of time, so I was looking to warm/hot food consumption. And I started thinking of the "goes-down-your-throat-real-easy-and-is-warm" food that there is out there in the world and this is the extensive list that I came up with:
1. Soup
2. Oatmeal
3.
4.
5.
6.

(sidebar for any of you Friends fans, this reminds me of when Phoebe fruitless, dare I say vegetableless, efforts to list off all the different types of celery)

I had anticipated an easy and full list of items to consume that would soothe my throat as I ate it and came to the startling conclusion that said list is not very extensive. I mean, yes, there are plenty of different types of soups out there, and you can add many things to your oatmeal, but there really isn't an expansive amount of things to be consumed that goes-down-your-throat-real-easy-and-is-warm-food. I mean you could warm up applesauce, but I feel like it is meant to be served chilled. I tried to think maybe pasta, but most of it you have to spend extra time chewing and wouldn't really go down so easy. And if you tried you could end up like this kid


Or if you suck and live by yourself, you may have to end up like this girl



Either way, you could risk having to be touched by someone else or breaking your own ribs, resulting in a trip to the hospital...but at least you'd be alive, just to prove that pasta could go down easy. So don't try to prove me wrong or this could be you



Ok, then thought about mashed potatoes. Great right? Accompanied with gravy, another goes-down-your-throat-real-easy-and-is-warm food, the perfect combo. But when you're sick, you're not gonna have the energy nor desire to make mashed potatoes. And that instant crap just isn't the same.

Another option is to go the cold way: get milkshakes, ice-cream, pudding, jello, etc. But those aren't meals.

Yet, my problem isn't solved. There should be more quick goes-down-your-throat-real-easy-and-is-warm type foods out there. And they should also come in snack form. I know, your solution is "Be healthier and just never get a sore throat!" DUH! Like I haven't thought of that! I would do that if it was easier, but these were the cards I was dealt. So I dealt with them. And got mad at them because I had to miss a few days of work and class.

If you have any suggestions, please share them (as in goes-down-your-throat-real-easy-and-is-warm food) in the comments section below. I just think our Amurrcan culture should generate more of these goes-down-your-throat-real-easy-and-is-warm types of food for such situations...and also make them easy to make for when you're sick and lazy :)

I Think Waaaaay Too Much

I am currently sick. The kind of sick that keeps you in bed for a good portion of the day. The usual flu-like symptoms: sore throat, stuffy nose, coughing, upset stomach, etc. And as I've spent a good portion of the day sleeping and catching up on some of my favorite shows, I've also had a lot of time to think and realize that I think waaaay too much.

For instance, I recently started working at Red Robin; and due to my illness, I called off. Well texted off. I texted one of my bosses because I'm friends with him. Anyway, he called me back while I was in-between states and when I looked at my phone and saw that I had a missed call from him, I thought the worst. I am a new employee and am still finishing training and thought that the reason he had called was to fire me. I'm also employed at a local coffee shop (C'ville Coffee) which is about as non-corporate a business can get. Either way, when my friends have asked how I like them, I usually say that Red Robin is very corporate and C'ville Coffee is chill. That's not to say corporate is bad. It means consistency, it means mandatory cleanliness, it means uniform, it means manuals, it means protocol. C'ville Coffee is locally owned and has no upper hierarchy to answer to like Red Robin does. So when I texted both of my bosses, I expected different responses. From C'ville Coffee, I got a "Hope you feel better" message. And I hadn't heard anything back from my boss at Red Robin. But when I received that missed call, my brain immediately went into overdrive. Here was my thought process:

"Oh, missed call" [checks to see who it was from but before I get there I get another notification on my phone]
"Also a new voicemail" [checks to see who the caller was]
"IT'S ERIC! (my boss, not me) AAAAAAAHHHHHHH I'm probably fired, yup that's it, and he's calling me as a friend and left me a voicemail saying that even though we're friends outside of work, Red Robin (in all its corporate glory) has a policy that if you call off during training you are automatically terminated."
"Wait they can't fire me without warning, they never mentioned what would happen if you called off during training."
"Or can they, do they have the right to hire and fire without reason? Where would I find this out?"
"Regardless, I'm sick, I couldn't help that, and they wouldn't want me coming in and contaminating all the food and customers so they can't be mad."
"However, this may seem like a foreshadowing of my work ethic in the future, and therefore find grounds to fire me."
"But they can call my previous employers, I almost never call off, and come to think of it, haven't been sick in months."
"I wonder who got me sick, my roommate? The retreat I was on last weekend? From work?"
"Was I more susceptible to sickness because I haven't been sleeping or eating much lately? Is my body in shock because I had 3 full meals yesterday?"
"Wait, doesn't illness stay with you even after you're 'feeling better'? So really I should be out of work for more than a couple days. CRAP!"
"Ow my throat hurts...why isn't this throat spray lasting more than 20 minutes?" [checks bottle]
"Of course it expired in April...of 2008!"

And all of this happened in about .8 seconds.

And as it turned out, the voicemail from Eric was nothing but friendly and he just wanted to reschedule training for another day!

As I was waiting for something to load online, I thought I should keep track of all my random streams of thought, because something might prove thoughtful or groundbreaking. Buuuuuuuuut until that day comes, I'll keep chronicling. It'll give me something to laugh about in years to come, and maybe you'll be entertained as well :)

I wonder where my thoughts will take me next...