Casting Call

Ok, so I have just been diagnosed with some pretty bad tendonitis in my right wrist and am now confined to a cast. Take a look:

The terrible thing is that I am right-handed. Which wouldn't be bad if I wasn't looking for a job. I mean I've broken my left wrist before, but that didn't really inconvenience me because I am right-handed. But it's only for a month.

However, since then (2 years ago) and my most recent casting, I've thought of other things I could do with my cast. To either entertain myself, or others, and just get some good use out of it. The list of possibilities follows:

1. The obvious: become ambidextrous. I attempted this when I sprained my thumb 3 years ago. I went bowling and bowled with my left hand and got a strike. On like the 3rd attempt. It was pure skill. Also during that time, I brushed my teeth and shaved left-handed. But now I'm gonna tackle the biggest obstacle of being ambidextrous: no, not writing with both hands, but being able to feed yourself with both hands!

2. Air traffic control. As you could see, my cast is a bright orange. The only options they had were pink, yellow, and orange. I thought that the pink and yellow would stand out a lot more and I would be infinitely made fun of for those options and went with the orange. Ok there was the white option, but I didn't want it to show dirt easily, so went with the color option.

My good friend Denson had this glow in the dark spray and now my cast glows in the dark. Which would make it really ideal for directing planes.

3. Portable year book. Since you stop those keepsakes after high school it can act as a little time capsule for who was in your life at the time of the cast. The first person to sign my cast when I had one 2 years ago were my campers while I was at camp. The first person to sign my cast this go-round was the clerk at the liquor store. I promise I'm not an alcoholic, I just think he was hitting on me.

4. Get into a bar fight. AND WIN! I mean it's my right hand. I got pretty good control of it. I'm pretty sure I could take out just about anyone with this thing.

5. Stop a door from closing. No broken fingers or bruised arms. This skill could come in handy say when you're trying to get your passport renewed at the post office and the only guy who can do it won't answer his phone so you can make the appointment (because you have to make appointments these days to renew/do anything regarding your passport) and his door opens from the last person who had an appointment is leaving and you're trying to get in touch with the man inside before the heavy door closes and is locked indefinitely. So easy solution: stick the cast in the door!

6. Become a lower body model. Anything from pants, to underwear to swimsuits. My cast is waterproof. And it's so large that many articles of clothing aren't fitting over it (like jackets and long-sleeved things). The real question is how do I go about getting into that business?

7. Pick your favorite TV show and roll up on set. They ask why you are there. And you say, "I was just cast." You could easily go on to do bigger things as a handicapable person. I mean just look at Drizzy:

8. Not have to saw off my hand if I end up in a situation like this:

9. Use it as a water bottle. I mean after I take a shower it seems to retain water pretty well. It's water proof, yes, but in the sense that you can get it wet without much consequence. I mean I love that I can take showers with it and don't have it wrap it up, but unless I sit there with a blow dryer getting all the water out it drips for a good couple hours after the shower. So I could theoretically just drink as it drips out.

10. Paperweight

11. Another means to identify your body. Like how they use dental records or serial numbers on implants.

12. Firmer handshake device. There's no way you can even come close to saying anything about your status over me with your handshake. You can't crush my hand. And by default, my handshake will be firmer, no matter how much I can bench press. Ha! Give me your best shot!

13. New wallet. Put cash in one end. Credit cards in the other. And you really can't steal a cast off someone. Unless you have a saw on you. Which, my first thought was, "Wow, you're really intense about this you can have my money, no need to saw it out." But then thought back to number 4 and realized I could probably take the guy out.

14. Emergency hammer. Cause what if you can't find a hammer to nail in that one nail that always comes loose and you stub your toe on.

15. Bottle opener. Even if it is a twist off, just because you can do it. You'll be the hit of any party.

16. Talon protector. Finally I can be like that kid from My Side of the Mountain and have a hawk as a pet but don't need to buy a protective glove.

17. Invent a sport: Cast ball. Use your cast to hit a ball. Size of ball varies depending on size of cast. There's an equation.

18. Itch reliever.

19. Juicer. Especially when you don't want to pull out the actual juicer for that little bit of lime juice you need for your homemade guacamole.

20. Join a band. Become the BEST triangle player. EVER.

21. To bust a radio. Because if Rihanna brags one more time about how she's found love in a hopeless place and I can't find love anywhere, it's going down. I literally believe I've heard that phrase 1,000,005,116 times.

22. Nothing. Don't put any extra stress on the cast. You were put in it to immobilize it so your injury can heal. Doing any of the above mentioned things will just lead to prolonged time in a cast, longer physical therapy or even permanent damage to your injured body part. But where would the fun be in that? I mean your doctor factors in you being stubborn and doing anything like I suggested into the amount of prescribed time you'll be in the cast.

So choose wisely, how will you use your cast?